Thursday, January 28, 2016

TALKTIME #13: My Need for More Asexual Characters


      *Warning: I am angry, so the following is properly not going to to be coherent and there will be swearing, so if that is not okay with you, the exit is at the top of the page. For those of you who are okay with this, thank you for staying and listening to me. I appreciate it.*

      Storytime. So yesterday I was minding my own business, eating Denny's in my room and watching tv because I am all for procrastinating school work. I had just gotten my new laptop, so I was in a pretty good mood. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, bam, I get a notification from Facebook Messenger. I look at it and it is from this guy. We're going to call him Dumbo for this story's sake. Anyway, Dumbo says he's bored and wants to talk. I say okay because Dumbo seems like a nice guy who I've had classes with. Well we get to talking and he seems pretty nice. He's flirting with me and I feel all happy inside. A guy has only once ever flirted with me, and nothing to this caliber. I have never had a boyfriend so this is all new to me.

      Anyway, things were pretty good. And then out of fucking nowhere. He asks me if I want to come over to his room and have sex with him.

      For those of you who don't know, I am asexual. I do not feel physical attraction and I don't ever want to have sex. I am sure of it and it is a decision I stand by. Well I told this guy and he would not hear it. Dumbo didn't believe people could be asexual, and that because I'm a virgin I can't know that I'm asexual and that he doesn't believe I can't feel physical attraction. He kept asking me to have sex with him and I kept telling him no and to do his fucking research on what it means to be asexual. Dumbo had the fucking nerve to tell me and I quote "be a good little girl and have sex with me. I'll show how how to suck this dick and how to feel good". I WAS FUCKING ANGRY. I HAD HAD IT! I WAS DONE. FUCK THIS BASTARD FOR SAYING THAT WHAT I FEEL IS NOT REAL.

      Anyway, let me get to the point of this story. This guy at the really smart college I go to didn't know and understand asexuality, and that is not okay. Clearly there is not enough representation out there in the world. And I'm not talking just about books. There needs to be asexual characters in tv shows and movies and other mainstream things people watch. I am so tired of people not knowing what asexualilty is and not thinking it is a legitimate orientation. Do you know how many asexual characters I have read about in books? A BIG FAT ZERO! Do you know how many asexual characters I have seen on tv/movies? Maybe three. 


      Not only do we need more asexual characters for the sake of educating the general public, but to help asexuals like me. Coming to terms with my asexuality was such a hard thing for me to go through. I didn't understand why I didn't feel like everyone else, and people weren't very accepting. They kept telling me it was just a phase and eventually I would find a boy that I like that. Hearing that stuff did not help the inner turmoil in me.

      I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just want more asexual characters. People are always talking about how there needs to be diversity. People are always talking about how there needs to be more people of color, LGBT, etc. and I completely agree. I want there to be more of those characters a lot too. But I really really really want there to be more asexuals. It almost feels like we don't exist. With the other groups, at least it is common knowledge they exist. With asexuals, we're basically like dragons.

      Thank you all so much for sticking this far. What are your thoughts on the topic. I'd love to hear what you all have to say.


  1. He said WHAT to you?! You don't say that to PEOPLE. Full stop. Girl says she's not interested, then dude, SHE IS NOT INTERESTED. (Finds Dude, beats the living sh** out of him and teaches him some manners for DARING to treat Sierra like this!!!! (Sorry: the willingness of myself to beat someone to a pulp for you indicates you are officially one of my girls - this means you will find it difficult to ever get rid of me. Sorry again.))

    1. Exactly!!! Like there is a way you talk to people and that is not it. No means no!!!! Haha thank you for your willingness! :) And no need to be sorry. I'm glad I have people on my side.

    2. At your service (bows, trips over own feet...) ;)

  2. WHAT AN ASSHOLE!! It's stuff like this that gets me the most angry, frustrated and disgusted with the IGNORANCE of some people. If that guy thinks that he'll be able to pick up ANY girls with that attitude, then he is sadly mistaken. I actually talked about something similar recently, about expanding LGBTQA books to talk more about asexuality. It IS a thing that many people don't understand. You are worth so much more than that jerk Sierra! <3

    1. YESSS!!! I don't understand how that amount of ignorance is even possible. Honestly, how the hell did he think that would work? So disrespectful. Thank you! Do you have a link to that post? I'd love to read it.

    2. Sure thing! It was this post on Diversity in Ya: Home

  3. I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE LIKE THAT. That guy needs to learn some manners and respect others. Asexuality is definitely something that I've never really come across - I've probably only seen it ONCE in TV/books/movies. I don't blame him for not knowing much about it - but his attitude towards you, lack of respect and clear unwillingness to learn much more about it is just ridiculous. I HATE THAT HE WAS SO NICE AT FIRST AND THEN HE TURNED OUT TO BE SUCH A AASDFGHJKL in the end ugh! Diverse media NEEDS TO BE A THING - things like this shouldn't happen!!

    1. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!!! It bewilders me to no end!!! This is why diverse media needs to improve.


    I cannot stand rude people. They piss me off to literally no fucking end. My boyfriend struggled with the same thing for such a long time because for a while he felt the same way. I'm not saying it will change for you, but for him he realize it wasn't that he was asexual but it was that he couldn't feel physical attraction unless it meant something to him. I actually think there is another word for it, but I'm not positive. I agree that there needs to be more diversity for this topic alone because I wouldn't even know what it means or that it existed if I hadn't known someone who "identified" with it.

    1. Honestly, I don't understand how parents can raise their kids like that. It seems like your boyfriend is demisexual. I agree, for people who don't personally know someone who identifies as asexual, they probably have no idea what it is.

  5. Ewwww I hate that there are people that are that ignorant and disgusting out there. And I definitely agree that there needs to be more representation of asexulity in books and the media! Obviously some people need learn more about it. Although in the case of that guy I don't think his ignorance is his biggest problem...


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